9. A Celebration of Life

Today I turn 29. 28 years full of life, joys, laughter, tears, singing, dancing, pain, friendship, love, growth, understanding, patience.

It truly is a blink of an eye. One minute it was running around at the beach, splashing and laughing, eating s'mores, building pyramids with high school friends. The next it was stealing my baby brother's milk bottle, playing pretend teacher, and having recess. The other was finding a whole lot of love from those around me even though my life couldn't be far from perfect with my temp contract ending, my grandma passing, seeing the grief of my family, and how intergenerational trauma tears them apart. 

You think you experienced life, and yet again, life shakes it up. Takes a hold of your heart. Pushes and pulls you to new heights. Forces you to confront fears and learn compassion. 

At some point, you feel your embarrassment and cry anyway. You feel awkward to hug, but you pull yourself into your grandpa, so he knows he's not alone. You don't get why people are so kind, and you thank them for extending love and kindness when there need not be any in the first place. They don't owe you anything. At some point, you realize your parents love you and they did all they could to protect you, even though at other points, you thought it wasn't enough. You realize people are allowed to have their own beliefs and choose who's in their life, even if it means it's not you. You don't need to always explain or help people find the way. You don't have to carry the world on your shoulders.

And sometimes I wonder how could a world so beautiful be so cruel at the same time. And for the first time, I'm so afraid because I know life is finite. Who knew that, just last week, someone I know became someone I knew? Even after seeing her in pain, seeing the casket, seeing her body, seeing the burial, it seems unreal. All that life- gone. Yet gone is the life who gave it her all to keep her family safe. Gone is the life who traveled hundreds and thousands of miles to give her family a new future. Gone is the one who raised my siblings and me, and contributed to our current successes. Gone is the physical, but her memories live on. In just a few generations, to see how much we have built and it only continues from here. I know she is proud to see how we are now.